Attachment Theory is the single largest predictor of success in your relationships, whether they are romantic, familial or platonic.

The concept of attachment style has been well documented since psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud first suggested that the infant’s first emotional tie was to the mother, and this tie provided the foundation for the success, or lack thereof in all latter relationships through life. In 1951 Bowlby first brought about the idea that the ‘infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate, and continuous relationship with the mother (or mother substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment’ – the lack of which may have significant and irreversible mental health consequences. 

The importance of attachment first originates in the child with the primary caregiver based on the reaction and response to the infant when their ‘attachment state’ is stimulated. This happens when the infant’s feelings of wellbeing and safety are threatened, such as when they are sick, upset, or particularly when the infant is scared. At the age of just six months, the infant can predict how their caregiver will act when they are in distress. When the attachment figure is proven to be caring, consistent and affectionate in situations of distress for the infant, a positive, ‘secure’ parental attachment will develop. The child has an idea of what to expect from the caregiver in times of distress, for example when they are hurt or scared, they know they can approach the caregiver and they will respond to help the infant, behaving in a way to ease the distress i.e. cuddling, removing distressing stimuli, etc. Individuals who classify as ‘secure’ will identify themselves with a similarly trusting and open point of reference toward later intimate partners and peers, which is referred to as a secure adult attachment type.

Insecure Attachment 

In contrast to this secure attachment, when parental figures are represented as untrustworthy, inconsistent, and in some forms neglectful, infants can form insecure adult attachment that can be connected to problematic behaviours in realtionships. When children are neglected, feel unwanted or treated unsympathetically by those closest to them, they can foster confrontational thought patterns regarding love and trust that are consistent to the behaviour they are prone to receiving. Those brought up in a controlling manner by their primary attachment figures are at higher risk to acquire ‘negative mental representations’ of themselves, and relationships. This encourages unhelpul strategies of regulating emotions. 

There are three distinct insecure attachment types. Both dismissive and fearful avoidant attachment styles measured a high level of discomfort with interpersonal closeness and intimacy. When a child is seeking out for comfort while in a state of distress, and the caregiver is consistently dismissive, this child will develop a way of coping in a way to suppress their distress and as it does not attract the wanted response from the primary caregiver. This has shown to most likely develop to an adult similarly dismissive or avoidant, very often with prolonged feelings of shame of guilt.

Contrary to avoidant attachment, Individuals with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style were observed to possess high, pervasive fears of partner loss or abandonment. For the preoccupied type, they tend to hold a more positive opinion and view of others but a very negative, and self-critical view of themselves and subsequently will be and more “preoccupied” and engrossed in their relationships. For example, these preoccupied persons will crave and can display desperate for another’s validation, often seeming clingy and obsessive. Research shows that by the age of 16 months, unique attachment types can be identified from the way in which infants behave when ‘attachment-related distress’ is triggered.

Curious to what style of attachment you possess? Take the quiz below